This blog is not about weight loss…it’s about life gain.
Don’t congratulate me on no longer being her; I still am her. I read many stories about how after weightloss that larger body is no longer that person. Like there is a sense of disconnect. I am always going to be me. The only difference will be I will be smaller bodied.
My goal is to uncover myself one pound at a time, and, as time progresses, I will REcover myself and DIScover myself. Bathe myself in my new found abilities to live a fuller life.
The pain of my childhood taught me how important it is for a child to truly feel loved, safe, and cherished. This was my catalyst to provide my own son with all the love I have. All I want to do is provide my son with a safe environment to grow up and in his lifetime. I want my son to know deep inside of his heart of hearts that he is cherished beyond words. Little did I know even I can experience this.
While trying to find words to begin writing this post, I came across Marianne Williamson quote about not dwelling in the past because living fully present is where we heal. Whatever we give our attention to—wanted or unwanted—grows. If I focus on happiness, joy, and satisfaction, I’ll experience more of that. To give you context to my story, I want to write about the emotional pain I had experienced growing up. Only If you knew those hurts then you’d see the struggle of living fully present and you’d understand how I ended up in the body I live in today. To honor that part of me still suffering from what happened I want to tell it NO ONE has the right to make me feel unsafe in my body. This body of mine is the place my soul inhabits and its what kept me alive today, even though I endured such pain; yet, out of this body I live in today I have also experienced such great joy in it.
This is where I want to remain from here on out…focusing on the joy, living fully present in the body I live in today and creating within me a place of safety.
Before taking a shower tonight, I looked into the mirror and felt estranged from my own reflection. I looked at the reflection as if it is not even a part of me, and, in the same sentence, I know the person I am gazing at is me.
I occupy that body.
In this body, I have also experienced what it is like to make love, give birth from it, to live inside of it when I experienced trauma, and even in the process of learning to love myself.
In this process of learning to love myself, I have found I need to come to terms with how I need to love my body to better health.
I have dreams for my body.
…mastering different basic yoga positions without the physical limitations of being overweight
…walking turning into jogging and then to a full run
…occupying half the space I currently do
…living to the fullest without weight-related diseases like type 2 diabetes or depression